Scheme F: “Thanks, not sorry”
Published (gregorian) (ornellember)
Tags: scheme existential series
When you feel guilt, you reframe it to gratefulness.
The month of F was a stressful month. I was applying to Recurse, trying to negotiate leave, getting and recovering from COVID, traveling to my brother’s wedding and back…
I also privately got some genuine but harsh feedback on my blog that I wasn’t prepared for (it had to do with what a hypothetical potential employer would think about it, sex tech and candor.) I started to overthink things – what I should post, what I should take down, what would shock people in the industry, what would annoy them, and ultimately, whether, or to what degree, I care.
I’m getting tense just thinking about it.
So honestly, although I kept telling myself that I’d get around to putting up another scheme, I didn’t feel like it.
But now, I’m at Recurse, and I’m in a supportive environment, and people seem to appreciate me and my blog and my vibrators and my excitement to share what I find out, so I feel like writing again!
It’s like that thing people say – when you feel guilty, instead of saying sorry, say thanks. Like, not “sorry I’m late,” rather, “thanks for waiting.”
So thanks for waiting, thanks for being here, and thanks for treating me with kindness. I really appreciate you.
Reframing guilt to gratefulness is what allows me to power through the ups and downs of life and the unpredictability of ADHD. I’m going to keep writing this series, on my own terms! Maybe there’s stuff you’ll notice I took down from this site – it may come back.
This is my home, and I’m happy to have you in it.